Today is day 1. The first day of my new life. The first day that I take back my life, my health, my happiness. Today is day 1 of raw eating.
I’ve tried several times to begin eating “clean” or “raw,” but have always given up. I’m only a few hours in and already struggling.
I having always been a bored and cravings eater. When a craving comes, it can last for several hours or even days. Pizza, Pepsi, and Taco Bell are 3 of my most reoccurring cravings. If I hear the word, see a photo, or catch a whiff, the craving clock starts ticking.
The craving is so intense that I can actually visualize, smell, and even taste that food. The very thought of satisfying my urge brings me elation and joy. At times, it’s all that I can think of. I begin to plan out my day around how I’m going to get my fix. Food has become my drug. “I get off work at this time which means by the time I get home and take the dogs out it’ll be this time. So if it takes 40-60 minutes for delivery, I need to order it now.” My fingers begin to hammer away at the keys. “1 pizza, 1 soda. What about breadsticks? They’re too expensive. But there’s a coupon where if I get the breadsticks and dipping sauce I get a dessert for free. I need dessert! Do I want classic sauce or Alfredo? I’ll just get 2 pizzas. Pan or hand tossed? One of each! Extra sauce, extra cheese, half black olive. Ok so 2 pizzas, 1 soda, 1 order of breadsticks and 1 dessert. But 2 pizzas will last me 3 days… 2 pizzas, 3 sodas, 1 order of breadsticks and 1 dessert. $28. Papa Points or Hut Lovers? Hut… Order and done!”
I eagerly stare at my phone, waiting for it to ring. The ringtone that should indicate that a loved one is on other line instead the best 10 seconds of the week. I press 9 “access granted.” Pizza is near. I stand at the door on pins and needles. Thus thud thud. He’s coming up the stairs. Knock knock. I wait a brief moment, don’t want to look too eager, and I open the door.
I can’t grab the box and close the door quick enough. The Pepsi fizzes and pops in my glass as I grab a plate. 2 pieces, 1 of each pizza fills the plate with a breadstick hanging off the corner. I sit down and take the first bite. Euphoria. I close my eyes as the warm sauce and cheese fill my mouth. Could life get any better?
As my belly fills, I put the items in the fridge and anxiously wait until my belly is empty and I can repeat the process.
The high is in the anticipation, that first bite, the aftershocks. I need to break my addiction.
I’ve tried portion control, dribbling water first, eating something healthy instead. This just intensifies the craving. It’s a monster that overtakes every cell in my body.
I’m adopting a raw lifestyle to cleanse myself of this addiction, refocus myself, cleanse my body, and adopt a healthier lifestyle. I hope one day to have my addiction under control so that I can make a raw vegan pizza and not feel the craving for its calories latent processed cousin. I want to enjoy fruits and vegetables and find joy in cooking amazing dishes.
Day 1, you have to start somewhere.